BYE!

Hey, you

I started this blog almost exactly 6 years ago (20th May '10), with no real intent or purpose to it. Over the years, writing here went from just logging my day to a catharsis of sorts. While I haven't written much over the past year, I just wanted to say thanks if you've ever come across this ramble strewn monstrosity and passed a kind word to me along the way. For the ones who never really followed my journey and have stumbled here right now - CONGRATULATIONS! You've been spared some very average writing, plenty of hilariously bad jokes, and lots of thinly veiled insult/loves towards my then on-off boyfriend.

I'm not entirely sure if I'll ever come back to writing here again or not, but in case I never do, just know that this blog has been critical to my existence over some genuinely insane years, and has helped me learn a lot about myself. There's lots of TMI about my life (along with some serious life gyaan) you'll come across, and if you're still a  Jon Snow by the end of it, I hope you've at least managed to laugh at my expense :)

See you around on some other corner of the internet!
Akanksha

{1}

Everything you want is coming. Relax and let the universe pick up the timing and the way. You just need to trust that what you want is coming, and watch how fast it comes.
- Abraham Hicks

{Artwork by Daehyun Kim, who is phenomenal, by the way} 

no close friends excited for the birthday this year. guess no reason for me to be excited either.

Inventing Life's Meaning

Found out that somebody had illustrated one of Bill Watterson's speeches to college graduates, in his style. Do go through it!

(In other good news, I got to know yesterday that I've graduated with great marks. I also started my first job! On a hump day, no less)

D'oh (d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh)

I am not the kind of person who enjoys the process of planning. Sure, I like the idea of actually having a plan, what's not to like? Whenever somebody asks you "what plans for future beta/bro/yaar", you can look them in the eye and say exactly what you're going to do next, thus asserting your alpha-ness while also yelling in your head "HAHA LOOK AT ME I'M SO SORTED AND YOU'RE NOT HAH fuk off"

But I haaaate the process of planning itself. I bet you've experienced it too, the familiar frustration of sitting in a group of people who keep saying "Let's dooooo something!" and then shoot down every answer you come up with, eventually leading to no consensus and a wasted day (I have wasted a million free lectures at college doing this and eventually ended up spending the hour standing outside college and trying to figure out what to do, eventually going back in and attending a lecture because wth).

Then there's a different type of frustration altogether, the one where you reallyreally want to make a plan but the other party absolutely refuses to give any clarity whatsoever ("Dekh lenge yaar"). I'm cool with spontaneity, but hello, let me at least get a rough idea so that I can inform the parentals/arrange transport/rob a bank so I can have enough money for a night out. Does this make me a hypocrite? I seek middle ground on plan-making!

Either way, I was pretty surprised with myself when I actually *gasp* ended up with a plan for myself and my future. It was all very rosy - graduate out of college, apply to favourite college in Bombay for post grad, get in, chill in Bombay for a year. Woop, sounds awesome right? Yep, I was pretty excited too. And then it didn't work out :P

It is, of course, kind of depressing when you kind of pin your hopes on something and then life does a complete flip on you and says nopeeeee, not happening bro. I was really upset, considering I didn't exactly ever want something so much in my life before. But shit happens and you move on (while genuinely questioning your intellect.. I swear I'm smart :/). (I think?)


Of course, in a rather interesting turn of events, I ended up realizing a bunch of stuff about both myself and about what I want in life. Sometimes, we chase things not because we genuinely like them, but because we like the idea of them. It sounds cool in your head, or a thing that you ought to do because it's just so legit and it'd be so much fun.

Nope, beeeeep. Wrong answer. You need to do things because you really want to do them, and are willing to face all the hardship that comes with doing said thing. I wanted to study in Bombay because I loved the idea of Bombay, of living away from home, of doing something different. Studying was nowhere in the top 3 points of my agenda. So am I glad that it didn't work out? Maybe not :P It's always tough to come to terms with failure, but I feel that everything happens for the best  happens for a reason. It's okay, I'm cool. I actually ended up with a really interesting job opportunity, and while I'm super excited for it, I also know how hell-ish it's going to be initially (it's still really exciting and I hope it turns out the way I kind of expect for it to).

It doesn't matter. I think we all kind of need to figure out what success really means to us. A high-paying corporate job is not what everyone wants, so why should it be the only parameter for success? If you like to teach, isn't success wildly different for you? Lots of money will always bring you lots of happiness (You really can't believe that money doesn't buy happiness, it is genuinely essential to form at least the base of a happy life, unless you genuinely enjoy living under the poverty line). But a lot of money is not equal to success, there are a lot of things that are essential too - like genuinely being content with what you're doing in life.

Think about it. You're 21, on the brink of a career. You're going to continue working till you're 60. 39 years of your life, 5 days weeks on the minimum with 8 hour days. Do you know how much time that it? Lots (:P I'm not calculating that). Wouldn't you rather do something that genuinely gives you pleasure, rather than just doing something to meet societal expectations? Exactly.

I think things got too philosophical here. It is 4 in the morning, what else were you expecting? ^.^

(IT IS ALSO MY BIRTHDAY MONTH CONSIDERING THERE ARE LESS THAN 30 DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY AHHHHHHHHHH I AM GOING TO BE OLD AND DEAD SOON SO EXCITING!)