million dollarz idontgiveadamn; kudiya shudiya idongiveadaaamn

Oh my god I have no idea what I'm going to do in life.

Rewind

I want to press the restart button. I want to go back in time, before I was a zygote, before 10 generations before me were zygotes. I want to be a commoner in a kingdom where I live my life in peace, without having to worry about my future, my life, my career. I want to live in a world free of worries, just me, a sunny field and an abundance of carefree. I want to chase dandelions and run around without worrying about getting objectified, kidnapped, butchered or raped. I would gladly be an extra on a Disney movie. I want to go back to a time when the rivers were clean, the ozone was intact, the air was sweet. I want to exist in a time when we weren't manipulated by advertisements and sales and discount offers. Nobody was rich, nobody was poor. Everybody was just a community living on barter. I want to dress simply, with no knowledge of high couture or fashion disasters. I want to be part of that world where there were no diets, no corsets, no fat-shaming, no fat promotion, nothing. I want to be where people can eat healthy because there was no such thing as processed foods and double fried pre-packaged items that slowly clog people's arteries and then make them buy treadmills that stare out of the same stationary view everyday. I want to run and laugh and play sports not because I have to drop 7 pounds, but because it's just what I do and there is nothing else to be done. I want to exist in a time when there were no cigarettes, and people who I love stopped this voluntary death sentencing. I want to go back to a time - there MUST have been a time - when women and men were equal and everybody could help each other out in their work instead of demarcating things unjustifiably.

I want to be part of a world where I don't need to run after money, fame, glamour or 24" waists. I just want to be a good human being, and want everybody to be okay with that.

Growing Up

It's strange how we start becoming fond of things the moment we realize we're going to lose them. College has been one such experience where I found myself cribbing 3 semesters out of 6, but now that it's about to end, I don't really see much of what I was cribbing about.

What is it about our minds that makes us so fickle? Or is it the comfort zone we cling on to, and mistake it for this sense of adoration? The idea of graduation scares me, because I have no idea where I'll go next. We tend to not realize this, but a chunk of the relationships we share with people are often based on the fact that you all are simply confined in a common area. 

So more than the fact that moving to a different city is scary because you don't know anybody, it's scarier because you know that things aren't going to be the same when you go back either. Casual hanging out will now turn into "Let's catch up!", and meetings that we once took for granted will now take an actual effort to execute.

You see, sometimes, homes have heartbeats. 

procasti whatevz

Coming back to aforementioned article, it has been 24 hours and I still haven't written it. I have, however, taken enough personality tests so far to figure out that I am an ENFP type and should live in San Francisco to meet the ideal balance between intellectualism and chill seshes. I have also read the 2015 Leo horoscope at 3 different websites, drank a few million gallons of water and then taken an equivalent number of pee breaks. I even made time to update my facebook profile picture, catch up with an old friend, figured out what I want to pursue as a career and discovered the meaning of life.

Back to writing the damn article now..

edit:

fuck this shit i'm off to sleep

Unicorns, Sunsets & Other Randaap

There are a few things I'm going to say right now that I'm sure sound batshit crazy and also a bit unexpected. I should also be working on an article right now instead of writing this blog. Boo hoo, deal with it.

1. Long distance is very very very easy until your SO comes back in town, because then you realize how fucking unbelievable it feels to just casually meet him/her every other day. Also, sex. Also, cuddling. Also, dates. Also, hand holding and hair playing. Basically everything. Also he's leaving for Cal again in a week, which is absolutely devastating BECAUSE HELLO I like to play Predict The Bill contest and when he randomly holds my hand when he's driving or he does taktak with my fingers and asdfjhsdjaehfcdwajdsvdsn, bringing us to #2.

2. I might be slightly in love. I thought this was a phase but I haven't been able to shake this feeling off since the past 6 months now (more like 4 years and 1 month but who's counting right? Hah) so I think we can safely say this is not a phase and I'm mostly doomed now.

3. I'm also a little wary of this entire love thing because I'm kind of expecting to get cheated on again, which I KNOWWWWW is horrible and I should absolutely not put myself through this sort of emotional BS. Can't help it. I'm literally waiting to be told, "Oh btw, you've been made an idiot. Again." I like to console myself by telling myself that our kids have a 50% chance of crooked teeth (but crooked teeth are so cute..). Unfortunately, they also have a 100% chance of being incredibly smart with incredible wit and great hair and their eyebrow game will DEFINITELY be on point, so we're back to square one. Also ew, why am I coming up with all these imaginary kids.

4. I'm going to become a type A slut if #3 happens. I'll still be classy as fuck though, and I'll definitely end up updating this blog more often because then I can share my sexual exploits more often and possibly land a book deal and call myself Carrie Bradshaw. (Carrie is defo not a slut btw. She is Goals)

5. I'm totally cringing even thinking this, let alone typing this out, and I know I'll regret this and smack myself on the head in embarrassment and shame 5 years down the line (but let's not tempt fate *does nimboo mirchi*), buuuut I've been toying with the idea of an actual long term commitment with The Boy (I'm talking about the M word). I mean, what the fuck right? I KNOW! I don't even waaaant to get married for the next 7 years but my traitor brain just likes to be all "OH HI AKA COME LET ME SHOW YOU IMAGINARY SCENARIOS OF YOU AND THE BOY RIDING OFF INTO SUBURBAN SUNSETS" and I'm like wtf brain can u plz ctfo and gtfo and stfu.
Oh what the hell. It feels nice to think about it. And I was this utter idiot today by asking him what he thinks about us in the long term and he was like oh yeah I do think about it sometimes, except after that I'm totally sure I freaked the living daylights out of him because he got reaaaally quiet and I was all "ohshitohshitohshit must remove tshirt to distract and change topic and avoid elephant in the room" (I'm not talking about me ok)

So anyway, that's mostly it. Sometimes, I do not understand how I'm 20 years old when my mind is stuck at 12. I think farts are funny, for gods sake.