-_-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

fuck it all.
just, ugh. let school start already, i'd rather study than actually think. cuz when i start thinking, ^ that happens.

i really wanted to go out tomorrow and meet sucharu mam and archit and sahil and surbhi. and if this fucking strike happens, then it's a big fat disappointment.
the strike should happen, ofcourse. they're increasing prices to every damn thing (btw why the hell is everything cheaper in calcutta?)

in other news, monsoon has arrived. finally. so now instead of this scorching heat that we had, now we'll have humid. just perfect. now my hair will poof up because of the humidity and make me look like a moron, my skin will rebel against me and look shiny and FEEL humid, ergh. also, mosquitoes will return.
hallelujah.
when the fuck is the semi final? im so pissed i could return to playing football again.
not.

(saying not after stuff was actually cool once upon a time.)

but i don't wanna return to school so bad. i just need something to keep me busy. busier than i am now. i wanna get so involved that i really, REALLY just stop thinking.
because you know what happens when i think too much?
i start thinking negatively. and horrible stuff comes to mind, stuff like guilt. oh i'm loaded with guilt, everything is my fucking fault.
NO IT'S NOT.
i need someone to tell me that and mean it.
i really want to talk to you.
and you.
and you.
(i hope you all realise you're different people. -_-)

i don't like thinking this way. i never think this way. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
i really should be grateful to life.
what am i?
i confuse myself by the way i think.
but im grateful for everything i have in life. i really am.
i just keep forgetting to appreciate the nicer things, cuz the not so nice stuff overwhelms me sometimes.
thank you god.
seriously.
i wish my glasses were tinted a more rosier shade though.

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im listening to all these retro hits on the radio, and it makes me realize how i really love listening to the radio.
especially when it's raining, im laying on my bed, the light is switched off, im alone in my room.
i love that feeling.

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i've finally started working on my room's softboard. with all the pictures to be printed, words to be written and art to be drawn, it'll be done by next month, im pretty sure.
i'd forgotten what it felt like to just let go and immerse yourself in creativity. that intense feeling, it's magical and unreal, it's something you've created.
it's something that's you, but outside of you. it proves you're there, you exist in this world, you're not just somebody's figment of imagination.