fuck life.

im pissed. AAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHH.

IF I TRY AND UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT OF VIEW, WHY WON'T YOU TRY TO LISTEN TO MINE? IT'S STUPID AND ILLOGICAL AND OVERLYRATIONAL BUT IT MAKES ME HURT AND IT MAKES ME THINK AND IT MAKES ME BREAK UP. OKAY?

NOT OKAY?


THEN LISTEN.
i loved you. deal with it. my feelings for you didn't change. deal with it. i disappointed you. ACCEPT IT. it made me sad. ME. NOT YOU, IM TALKING ABOUT ME. it made me sick inside that i wanted to spend more time with you but i couldn't.

my last breakup was horrible. it was scary. ask some of my friends. they'll tell you the fucking horror i went through. at home. in school.
it was 1 year of pure hell.
it took me one fucking year to move on and get over what had happened.
it scared me.
it still scares me.
i still have nightmares about that day.
and what happened in the following days.

i didn't want to go through that again. or make you go through that again. or anybody around me.
so you've got to understand. the timing. of us. not. right. 

nobody said it'll be easy. i know i've made life even more fucking miserable for you.
it's no easier for me. not a day goes by without me thinking of you.
you value in my heart has always been the same. not an iota less.
so don't say what you said. don't doubt my feelings towards you, you have no fucking right to.
and as long as you don't understand what i'm trying to tell you, you won't get the point of any of this. you never will.

i wish i didn't like you either.