Change

Change is good. Change is bad. And change is scary as hell.

On the lines of an autistic cat lady, the only thought that has been stuck in my head since almost a month has been, "All that starts with the year must be buried with the year's death." Kind of sinister, right? (Especially if you were born on 1st Jan, because then by my logic, you should be dead by 31st December. Happy happy.)

So that means change. And up until the moment of truth, we're pretty convinced that what you're doing is going to do you a whole lot of good and you're going live a much better life later. It might be a better job, dumping somebody, hell, it could be trying out new pants.
Until of course, you actually take the leap.

You see, it's called a leap of faith for a reason. Because once you take the jump, you're not sure what ground you'll land on, or if you'll ever land at all. What if we just keep falling and falling and that's the end of it? Or what if the change we're advocating to ourselves turns out to just make you even more miserable than you were? What if your new boss sucks, you end up forever alone or heaven forbid, those pants makes your ass look like a rhino's?

Dundundun. Thoughts of a realist, thoughts of a pessimist. All while the optimist flails around in despair, waiting for you to notice him drown.

All that uncertainty, all the second doubts and hesistations, holy crap. I wasn't so sure if I wanted to do this anymore. As humans, why are we so wired towards comfort, even if comfort doesn't keep us happy but is there simply for the sake of familiarity?

And so I waited. Waited for my moment of clarity, some sign of the supernatural proclaiming to me that what I was doing was going to help me. The new job would make you happy, making you work out and land a bum like Beyonce's, and then someone would finally put a ring on it ^.^

Turns out..
YOU DON'T GET A FREAKING SIGN.
*brings out the Nutella jars*

But then I realized, I don't need a sign. Signs are for idiots who believe that their life is in control of somebody else. We do things in our lives for sole purpose of our happiness.

So I took the leap.
And right now, I'm free falling.