Everything you want is coming. Relax and let the universe pick up the timing and the way. You just need to trust that what you want is coming, and watch how fast it comes.
- Abraham Hicks
{Artwork by Daehyun Kim, who is phenomenal, by the way}
August 15, 2015
{1}
July 18, 2015
July 2, 2015
Inventing Life's Meaning
Found out that somebody had illustrated one of Bill Watterson's speeches to college graduates, in his style. Do go through it!
(In other good news, I got to know yesterday that I've graduated with great marks. I also started my first job! On a hump day, no less)
June 27, 2015
D'oh (d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh)
I am not the kind of person who enjoys the process of planning. Sure, I like the idea of actually having a plan, what's not to like? Whenever somebody asks you "what plans for future beta/bro/yaar", you can look them in the eye and say exactly what you're going to do next, thus asserting your alpha-ness while also yelling in your head "HAHA LOOK AT ME I'M SO SORTED AND YOU'RE NOT HAH fuk off"
But I haaaate the process of planning itself. I bet you've experienced it too, the familiar frustration of sitting in a group of people who keep saying "Let's dooooo something!" and then shoot down every answer you come up with, eventually leading to no consensus and a wasted day (I have wasted a million free lectures at college doing this and eventually ended up spending the hour standing outside college and trying to figure out what to do, eventually going back in and attending a lecture because wth).
Then there's a different type of frustration altogether, the one where you reallyreally want to make a plan but the other party absolutely refuses to give any clarity whatsoever ("Dekh lenge yaar"). I'm cool with spontaneity, but hello, let me at least get a rough idea so that I can inform the parentals/arrange transport/rob a bank so I can have enough money for a night out. Does this make me a hypocrite? I seek middle ground on plan-making!
Either way, I was pretty surprised with myself when I actually *gasp* ended up with a plan for myself and my future. It was all very rosy - graduate out of college, apply to favourite college in Bombay for post grad, get in, chill in Bombay for a year. Woop, sounds awesome right? Yep, I was pretty excited too. And then it didn't work out :P
It is, of course, kind of depressing when you kind of pin your hopes on something and then life does a complete flip on you and says nopeeeee, not happening bro. I was really upset, considering I didn't exactly ever want something so much in my life before. But shit happens and you move on (while genuinely questioning your intellect.. I swear I'm smart :/). (I think?)
Of course, in a rather interesting turn of events, I ended up realizing a bunch of stuff about both myself and about what I want in life. Sometimes, we chase things not because we genuinely like them, but because we like the idea of them. It sounds cool in your head, or a thing that you ought to do because it's just so legit and it'd be so much fun.
Nope, beeeeep. Wrong answer. You need to do things because you really want to do them, and are willing to face all the hardship that comes with doing said thing. I wanted to study in Bombay because I loved the idea of Bombay, of living away from home, of doing something different. Studying was nowhere in the top 3 points of my agenda. So am I glad that it didn't work out? Maybe not :P It's always tough to come to terms with failure, but I feel that everything happensfor the best happens for a reason. It's okay, I'm cool. I actually ended up with a really interesting job opportunity, and while I'm super excited for it, I also know how hell-ish it's going to be initially (it's still really exciting and I hope it turns out the way I kind of expect for it to).
It doesn't matter. I think we all kind of need to figure out what success really means to us. A high-paying corporate job is not what everyone wants, so why should it be the only parameter for success? If you like to teach, isn't success wildly different for you? Lots of money will always bring you lots of happiness (You really can't believe that money doesn't buy happiness, it is genuinely essential to form at least the base of a happy life, unless you genuinely enjoy living under the poverty line). But a lot of money is not equal to success, there are a lot of things that are essential too - like genuinely being content with what you're doing in life.
Think about it. You're 21, on the brink of a career. You're going to continue working till you're 60. 39 years of your life, 5 days weeks on the minimum with 8 hour days. Do you know how much time that it? Lots (:P I'm not calculating that). Wouldn't you rather do something that genuinely gives you pleasure, rather than just doing something to meet societal expectations? Exactly.
I think things got too philosophical here. It is 4 in the morning, what else were you expecting? ^.^
(IT IS ALSO MY BIRTHDAY MONTH CONSIDERING THERE ARE LESS THAN 30 DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY AHHHHHHHHHH I AM GOING TO BE OLD AND DEAD SOON SO EXCITING!)
But I haaaate the process of planning itself. I bet you've experienced it too, the familiar frustration of sitting in a group of people who keep saying "Let's dooooo something!" and then shoot down every answer you come up with, eventually leading to no consensus and a wasted day (I have wasted a million free lectures at college doing this and eventually ended up spending the hour standing outside college and trying to figure out what to do, eventually going back in and attending a lecture because wth).
Then there's a different type of frustration altogether, the one where you reallyreally want to make a plan but the other party absolutely refuses to give any clarity whatsoever ("Dekh lenge yaar"). I'm cool with spontaneity, but hello, let me at least get a rough idea so that I can inform the parentals/arrange transport/rob a bank so I can have enough money for a night out. Does this make me a hypocrite? I seek middle ground on plan-making!
Either way, I was pretty surprised with myself when I actually *gasp* ended up with a plan for myself and my future. It was all very rosy - graduate out of college, apply to favourite college in Bombay for post grad, get in, chill in Bombay for a year. Woop, sounds awesome right? Yep, I was pretty excited too. And then it didn't work out :P
It is, of course, kind of depressing when you kind of pin your hopes on something and then life does a complete flip on you and says nopeeeee, not happening bro. I was really upset, considering I didn't exactly ever want something so much in my life before. But shit happens and you move on (while genuinely questioning your intellect.. I swear I'm smart :/). (I think?)
Of course, in a rather interesting turn of events, I ended up realizing a bunch of stuff about both myself and about what I want in life. Sometimes, we chase things not because we genuinely like them, but because we like the idea of them. It sounds cool in your head, or a thing that you ought to do because it's just so legit and it'd be so much fun.
Nope, beeeeep. Wrong answer. You need to do things because you really want to do them, and are willing to face all the hardship that comes with doing said thing. I wanted to study in Bombay because I loved the idea of Bombay, of living away from home, of doing something different. Studying was nowhere in the top 3 points of my agenda. So am I glad that it didn't work out? Maybe not :P It's always tough to come to terms with failure, but I feel that everything happens
Think about it. You're 21, on the brink of a career. You're going to continue working till you're 60. 39 years of your life, 5 days weeks on the minimum with 8 hour days. Do you know how much time that it? Lots (:P I'm not calculating that). Wouldn't you rather do something that genuinely gives you pleasure, rather than just doing something to meet societal expectations? Exactly.
I think things got too philosophical here. It is 4 in the morning, what else were you expecting? ^.^
(IT IS ALSO MY BIRTHDAY MONTH CONSIDERING THERE ARE LESS THAN 30 DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY AHHHHHHHHHH I AM GOING TO BE OLD AND DEAD SOON SO EXCITING!)
April 30, 2015
Finders Keepers
To be able to call somebody your lover as well as your best friend is truly the most wonderful feeling ever. Some days, I feel blessed to be with somebody who talks to me and calms me down and listens to me no matter how upset I may be. There are often times when we lash out at the ones we love, we say too much even though we may regret it later, or just push things too far just to see how long we can do it for. It's a human fallacy, we hurt the ones we love when we don't think about anyone but ourselves, but when they stay with you and fight for you despite it all, and they choose to stick around when you hit rock bottom, man. That's when you know you've landed a keeper.
April 22, 2015
Pinocchio and I
When asked to describe our greatest qualities, some words tend to crop up more than the others - honest, brave, rational, quick thinkers, good decision makers. Guess what we all are?
A bunch of big fat liars.
I mean sure, we are selectively all of these things. We are always brave until the gun isn't pointed at us, always rational until our integrity has been compromised, always honest unless it's to ourselves. Why can't we all be honest to ourselves? Often, we end up doing things that we like initially, but end up not being so into it eventually, YET continue down the path simply because too many other people (be it family, significant others, friends, whatever) got emotionally involved. We seek to please too many others and think that we are finding happiness in doing so, but ask yourself - are you really? Is this really the job you want, the relationship you're always in love in, the happiness you've truly always dreamt of?
Or are you settling for something you grew out of because you're too used to this comfort zone?
//
There are often too many questions in my head that pop up out of nowhere. Today morning, while being a giant cuddle monster with my blanket in the cool, cool AC air of my room (I think that's the description of heaven, isn't it?), my mind was literally blank and peaceful when suddenly (of course, my mind will never give up the opportunity to intrude upon my moment of tranquility), one clear question rang through my head - Why am I not happy right now?
I didn't have to think much, I didn't think at all actually. Some things have rather obvious answers to them - the usual suspects always play a part in your guessing game.
I agree that happiness isn't just about people or places, it's a state of mind. Yet somewhere down the line, I think that others play a huge role in affecting your happiness anyway (fuck what the zen books say about not letting people get to you, if sometimes you're affected, you just are. And what kind of people do not get affected by other people, especially if it's a positive influence?! Exactly).
It's not like I'm unhappy. I just feel like I need to take some time off and just.. figure myself out. I don't want other people or relationships. I want myself, I want to think, I want to remember who I am as a person and how I've evolved, and maybe certain relationships in my life are stopping me from doing so, yet they're not REALLY stopping me so I don't know how breaking them off will help me. What do you do in life when you know that you've reached a dead end but you're just not ready to accept it, you're not thinking logically about it, and you don't have the guts to do anything about it? Because that's my current state of mind.
Man, the strengths column in my resume is just waiting to grow a longer nose.
A bunch of big fat liars.
I mean sure, we are selectively all of these things. We are always brave until the gun isn't pointed at us, always rational until our integrity has been compromised, always honest unless it's to ourselves. Why can't we all be honest to ourselves? Often, we end up doing things that we like initially, but end up not being so into it eventually, YET continue down the path simply because too many other people (be it family, significant others, friends, whatever) got emotionally involved. We seek to please too many others and think that we are finding happiness in doing so, but ask yourself - are you really? Is this really the job you want, the relationship you're always in love in, the happiness you've truly always dreamt of?
Or are you settling for something you grew out of because you're too used to this comfort zone?
//
There are often too many questions in my head that pop up out of nowhere. Today morning, while being a giant cuddle monster with my blanket in the cool, cool AC air of my room (I think that's the description of heaven, isn't it?), my mind was literally blank and peaceful when suddenly (of course, my mind will never give up the opportunity to intrude upon my moment of tranquility), one clear question rang through my head - Why am I not happy right now?
I didn't have to think much, I didn't think at all actually. Some things have rather obvious answers to them - the usual suspects always play a part in your guessing game.
I agree that happiness isn't just about people or places, it's a state of mind. Yet somewhere down the line, I think that others play a huge role in affecting your happiness anyway (fuck what the zen books say about not letting people get to you, if sometimes you're affected, you just are. And what kind of people do not get affected by other people, especially if it's a positive influence?! Exactly).
It's not like I'm unhappy. I just feel like I need to take some time off and just.. figure myself out. I don't want other people or relationships. I want myself, I want to think, I want to remember who I am as a person and how I've evolved, and maybe certain relationships in my life are stopping me from doing so, yet they're not REALLY stopping me so I don't know how breaking them off will help me. What do you do in life when you know that you've reached a dead end but you're just not ready to accept it, you're not thinking logically about it, and you don't have the guts to do anything about it? Because that's my current state of mind.
Man, the strengths column in my resume is just waiting to grow a longer nose.
April 14, 2015
ASDFGHJKLSDFGHJKL
OMG BLOGGER IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING WHEN IT COMES TO TEMPLATES AND THEMES ARGH SHIFTING TO WORDPRESS OR TUMBLR OK BYE
April 10, 2015
April 7, 2015
untitled
my life needs something new.
i'm not saying i'm bored. or dead. or tired. i am happy. i am happier than i have been in a long, long time. and it isn't the kind that is derived out of cheap thrills. i'm talking of the happiness that leaves a patient, warm glow deep down.
but i'm not satisfied. some days, i feel like i'm stuck in a rut that was once something i truly chased. i'm not ready to give up my rut, but i also feel like maybe it's just time to get up and move on.
the problem in life is that we are attracted to too many things, and too many of those too many are existential flames to our wispy moth wings. i don't wish to be a cynic or a fatalist, my mind's corners are conspicuously clean when it comes to cob webs in dark shadows. yet these are the people i wish i could talk to all the time, because a part of me relates to them like no other.
there are days when i read words that jolt me out of my mundane existence. i wonder if i could also weave intricacies into the simplicities of these sentences - and i realize that i cannot. i am slightly above average at best, there are minds far superior, far smarter, far more talented than mine. it pains me, it feels like a party i could throw but not mingle in. but i do not care beyond that, i only accept.
sometimes, i wish i would have been more rebellious. not in the way that involves nails painted black and spikes on every article of clothing (somebody should really let that trend die out, by the way), but rebellious in terms of society. i would have turned out perfectly alright had i not attended every party, or maybe aimed at being the head girl, studied commerce when all my mind yearned for was the arts.
of course, there is not point contemplating ifs and buts, i write this post today as a person i may not have been without all this. i just like to indulge myself sometimes, not by ranting, but just contemplating. it's so easy to just want to drift sometimes, not worry about where you're heading in life or where you've come from, not worrying about making your insta look a certain way or having just the right facebook status.
i think i've just lost track of the bigger picture. what even is the bigger picture? life? life is just a bunch of days. they say you can lend meaning to it by having this great job with a minimal carbon footprint, a spouse, a well travelled mind, a pet that your kids love. what is all of this? it's nothing. what if i told you, right now, that life is just a big meadow with yellow flowers and a blue sky with tufts of white floating by? does that simplify things for you, or make them much more complicated?
i feel like i was wiser when i was younger. my life is not a mess, i feel spiritually sound, physically healthy, mentally active, emotionally comforted. there is nothing here that needs urgent attention. but i keep feeling like there's a ghost limb here somewhere, that i want to twitch, that i can feel the twitch in, but i don't know where it is or where it went, or what happened to it.
i need a new bigger picture.
i'm not saying i'm bored. or dead. or tired. i am happy. i am happier than i have been in a long, long time. and it isn't the kind that is derived out of cheap thrills. i'm talking of the happiness that leaves a patient, warm glow deep down.
but i'm not satisfied. some days, i feel like i'm stuck in a rut that was once something i truly chased. i'm not ready to give up my rut, but i also feel like maybe it's just time to get up and move on.
the problem in life is that we are attracted to too many things, and too many of those too many are existential flames to our wispy moth wings. i don't wish to be a cynic or a fatalist, my mind's corners are conspicuously clean when it comes to cob webs in dark shadows. yet these are the people i wish i could talk to all the time, because a part of me relates to them like no other.
there are days when i read words that jolt me out of my mundane existence. i wonder if i could also weave intricacies into the simplicities of these sentences - and i realize that i cannot. i am slightly above average at best, there are minds far superior, far smarter, far more talented than mine. it pains me, it feels like a party i could throw but not mingle in. but i do not care beyond that, i only accept.
sometimes, i wish i would have been more rebellious. not in the way that involves nails painted black and spikes on every article of clothing (somebody should really let that trend die out, by the way), but rebellious in terms of society. i would have turned out perfectly alright had i not attended every party, or maybe aimed at being the head girl, studied commerce when all my mind yearned for was the arts.
of course, there is not point contemplating ifs and buts, i write this post today as a person i may not have been without all this. i just like to indulge myself sometimes, not by ranting, but just contemplating. it's so easy to just want to drift sometimes, not worry about where you're heading in life or where you've come from, not worrying about making your insta look a certain way or having just the right facebook status.
i think i've just lost track of the bigger picture. what even is the bigger picture? life? life is just a bunch of days. they say you can lend meaning to it by having this great job with a minimal carbon footprint, a spouse, a well travelled mind, a pet that your kids love. what is all of this? it's nothing. what if i told you, right now, that life is just a big meadow with yellow flowers and a blue sky with tufts of white floating by? does that simplify things for you, or make them much more complicated?
i feel like i was wiser when i was younger. my life is not a mess, i feel spiritually sound, physically healthy, mentally active, emotionally comforted. there is nothing here that needs urgent attention. but i keep feeling like there's a ghost limb here somewhere, that i want to twitch, that i can feel the twitch in, but i don't know where it is or where it went, or what happened to it.
i need a new bigger picture.
April 1, 2015
Talk is Cheap
Hello internet, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because my work is softly creeping
But my common sense is still sleeping
SO INSTEAD I'M BLOGGING
IS IT LIKE WRITING ON SUBWAY WALLS
And tenement halls
This is the sound of akawriting
Maybe I should start a band and call myself Aka&Garfunkel
(jkjkjkjkjk people will die and Simon and Art will not exactly be pleased and then they might sue me for defamation and I'm already broke so NO I'M SORRY TO BREAK YOUR HEART YOU GUYS)
The world is a veryveryveryveryvery weird tiny place because the chick (one of them, at least. ha ha) that my beloved boyfriend hooked up with is roommates with this other girl who I know who is also dating a good friend of mine! WHAAAAAA. Then yesterday in the metro, I was sitting across another one of the girls he hooked up with. WHAAAAAA. I should have a reaction I guess, but I don't? I'm just like yeah.. okay universe. Hoping you're not sending me a signal here.
Anyway. The world's most hectic two weeks are finally coming to a (hopefully fruitful) end. I've not even worked this hard for my boards, so that's saying something + I haven't stepped out IN WEEKS. who am I even kidding, I went out three days back. But my sleep cycle is fucked to the extent that it is impossible for me to not take comatose naps in the evening no matter how hard I try. THERE IS NO CURE, WILL SMITH CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE A MOVIE CALLED: I AM SLEEP DEPRIVED LEGEND?
Things I miss:
- Wengers Deli
- Thinner days
(HAHAHA)
I really hope I get into Bombay.
I've come to talk with you again
Because my work is softly creeping
But my common sense is still sleeping
SO INSTEAD I'M BLOGGING
IS IT LIKE WRITING ON SUBWAY WALLS
And tenement halls
This is the sound of akawriting
Maybe I should start a band and call myself Aka&Garfunkel
(jkjkjkjkjk people will die and Simon and Art will not exactly be pleased and then they might sue me for defamation and I'm already broke so NO I'M SORRY TO BREAK YOUR HEART YOU GUYS)
The world is a veryveryveryveryvery weird tiny place because the chick (one of them, at least. ha ha) that my beloved boyfriend hooked up with is roommates with this other girl who I know who is also dating a good friend of mine! WHAAAAAA. Then yesterday in the metro, I was sitting across another one of the girls he hooked up with. WHAAAAAA. I should have a reaction I guess, but I don't? I'm just like yeah.. okay universe. Hoping you're not sending me a signal here.
Anyway. The world's most hectic two weeks are finally coming to a (hopefully fruitful) end. I've not even worked this hard for my boards, so that's saying something
Things I miss:
- Wengers Deli
- Thinner days
(HAHAHA)
I really hope I get into Bombay.
March 23, 2015
1998
Insane, insane week coming up. INSANE. Basically the midsem break just got over and I mostly did nothing in its duration and I'm mostly okay with that, even though I could have totally studied lots and done something constructive. It's okay. Sometimes you just gotta shut the fuck up and chill and wake up at 12 and take a nap again at 5. (I may or may not have done that).
Anyway, true to my spirit, my productivity has suddenly skyrocketed on the last night of my break to an extent that I'm writing at the speed of light. Also Chet Faker's music is so perfect. As is Gary Clark Jr's. As is Warren Mendonsa's. Baba re babaaaaaaaaa.
Also I just realized that people actually still read this borderline rambly blog so HI YOU GUYS HERE'S A FLUFFY PUPPY FOR YOU!
Are you mindfucked because that it actually a kitten wearing a bow tie instead? Yeah man, deal with it. Sometimes life throws a curveball.
Anyway, true to my spirit, my productivity has suddenly skyrocketed on the last night of my break to an extent that I'm writing at the speed of light. Also Chet Faker's music is so perfect. As is Gary Clark Jr's. As is Warren Mendonsa's. Baba re babaaaaaaaaa.
Also I just realized that people actually still read this borderline rambly blog so HI YOU GUYS HERE'S A FLUFFY PUPPY FOR YOU!
Are you mindfucked because that it actually a kitten wearing a bow tie instead? Yeah man, deal with it. Sometimes life throws a curveball.
March 11, 2015
BUT WAIT
But liek srsly, questions on my mind:
1. Should I study or should I work?
2. Should I work in Advertising/Marketing or Journalism?
3. Should I study AdMa or Journo?
4. Is there money in Ad? (ans: no)
5. Is there money in Journo? (ans: no)
6. So then why do I want to study useless things?
7. Is it worth it to be poor just so you can do something you like?
8. Will I even like it?
9. Is there scope for growth in Journo? (ans: barely)
10. Is there scope for growth in Ad? (ans: ya. hence money eventually. fo)
11. Should I study abroad or wait for my MBA?
12. What do I do with an MBA if I'm a journalist?
13. Should I start applying for jobs?
14. But I'm not even sure what I want to do?
15. ????????????????????????????
Things I have figured out:
1. I prefer AdMa over Journo on 8 days out of 10.
2. I smack myself on my head and realize I'm meant to be a journalist on the other 2 days.
3. Those days, I panic like a headless chicken.
4. "THE SKY IS FALLING" HAHAHA WHAT A GREAT MOVIE
5. I want to be vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv rich.
6. I want to study.
7. Lots.
8. I have a test tomorrow I'm not studying for.
9. Going abroad will be nice.. but.. like.. idk.
10. I actually really really really want to go study at XIC but I'm scared shitless that I won't get through and then I won't have a plan B and I don't like IIMC because a certain senior who studies there just keeps dissing it all the time. I can't believe I just used the word dissing.
11. XIC hasn't come out with its admission dates yet and I've literally been checking their page since September 2014 so I'm annoyed and maybe a little OCD about this.
12. Everyone I know wants to apply there which is pissing me off even further.
13. Ya.
14. Living in Bombay will be nice.
15. Can't wait to get washed away in the monsoon floods but maybe I'll gain so much mass after bingeing on Theobroma that I'll be like this giant paper weight and become the next Dwayne Johnson.
16. Or hulk.
17. Green is totally my colour.
18. Ariana Grande does not know how to dance.
19. But what a voice oh my gadddd.
20. I would probably have a heart attack if Adam Levine performed at my wedding (a la Sugar) and drop my lehenga and ask him to take me right there and then.
21. Good thing this scenario is v improbable.
22. :(
23. :)
24. :| :/ :\
25. I AM GOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO STUDY okbye
26. In a bit
27. I can't differentiate between flirting and people being nice to me so I'll always assume nice and effectively cockblock myself. (a la DM)
28. I also don't think I know how to flirt
29. Them: Hi. Me: OMG HI SEXY ;);););;;;;;))))) *person is offline*
30. This list might have deviated a bit.
31. Dubsmash is so fucking great I wanna be a dubsmash superstar.
32. My future is sorted.
1. Should I study or should I work?
2. Should I work in Advertising/Marketing or Journalism?
3. Should I study AdMa or Journo?
4. Is there money in Ad? (ans: no)
5. Is there money in Journo? (ans: no)
6. So then why do I want to study useless things?
7. Is it worth it to be poor just so you can do something you like?
8. Will I even like it?
9. Is there scope for growth in Journo? (ans: barely)
10. Is there scope for growth in Ad? (ans: ya. hence money eventually. fo)
11. Should I study abroad or wait for my MBA?
12. What do I do with an MBA if I'm a journalist?
13. Should I start applying for jobs?
14. But I'm not even sure what I want to do?
15. ????????????????????????????
Things I have figured out:
1. I prefer AdMa over Journo on 8 days out of 10.
2. I smack myself on my head and realize I'm meant to be a journalist on the other 2 days.
3. Those days, I panic like a headless chicken.
4. "THE SKY IS FALLING" HAHAHA WHAT A GREAT MOVIE
5. I want to be vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv rich.
6. I want to study.
7. Lots.
8. I have a test tomorrow I'm not studying for.
9. Going abroad will be nice.. but.. like.. idk.
10. I actually really really really want to go study at XIC but I'm scared shitless that I won't get through and then I won't have a plan B and I don't like IIMC because a certain senior who studies there just keeps dissing it all the time. I can't believe I just used the word dissing.
11. XIC hasn't come out with its admission dates yet and I've literally been checking their page since September 2014 so I'm annoyed and maybe a little OCD about this.
12. Everyone I know wants to apply there which is pissing me off even further.
13. Ya.
14. Living in Bombay will be nice.
15. Can't wait to get washed away in the monsoon floods but maybe I'll gain so much mass after bingeing on Theobroma that I'll be like this giant paper weight and become the next Dwayne Johnson.
16. Or hulk.
17. Green is totally my colour.
18. Ariana Grande does not know how to dance.
19. But what a voice oh my gadddd.
20. I would probably have a heart attack if Adam Levine performed at my wedding (a la Sugar) and drop my lehenga and ask him to take me right there and then.
21. Good thing this scenario is v improbable.
22. :(
23. :)
24. :| :/ :\
25. I AM GOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO STUDY okbye
26. In a bit
27. I can't differentiate between flirting and people being nice to me so I'll always assume nice and effectively cockblock myself. (a la DM)
28. I also don't think I know how to flirt
29. Them: Hi. Me: OMG HI SEXY ;);););;;;;;))))) *person is offline*
30. This list might have deviated a bit.
31. Dubsmash is so fucking great I wanna be a dubsmash superstar.
32. My future is sorted.
million dollarz idontgiveadamn; kudiya shudiya idongiveadaaamn
Oh my god I have no idea what I'm going to do in life.
March 5, 2015
Rewind
I want to press the restart button. I want to go back in time, before I was a zygote, before 10 generations before me were zygotes. I want to be a commoner in a kingdom where I live my life in peace, without having to worry about my future, my life, my career. I want to live in a world free of worries, just me, a sunny field and an abundance of carefree. I want to chase dandelions and run around without worrying about getting objectified, kidnapped, butchered or raped. I would gladly be an extra on a Disney movie. I want to go back to a time when the rivers were clean, the ozone was intact, the air was sweet. I want to exist in a time when we weren't manipulated by advertisements and sales and discount offers. Nobody was rich, nobody was poor. Everybody was just a community living on barter. I want to dress simply, with no knowledge of high couture or fashion disasters. I want to be part of that world where there were no diets, no corsets, no fat-shaming, no fat promotion, nothing. I want to be where people can eat healthy because there was no such thing as processed foods and double fried pre-packaged items that slowly clog people's arteries and then make them buy treadmills that stare out of the same stationary view everyday. I want to run and laugh and play sports not because I have to drop 7 pounds, but because it's just what I do and there is nothing else to be done. I want to exist in a time when there were no cigarettes, and people who I love stopped this voluntary death sentencing. I want to go back to a time - there MUST have been a time - when women and men were equal and everybody could help each other out in their work instead of demarcating things unjustifiably.
I want to be part of a world where I don't need to run after money, fame, glamour or 24" waists. I just want to be a good human being, and want everybody to be okay with that.
I want to be part of a world where I don't need to run after money, fame, glamour or 24" waists. I just want to be a good human being, and want everybody to be okay with that.
February 25, 2015
Growing Up
It's strange how we start becoming fond of things the moment we realize we're going to lose them. College has been one such experience where I found myself cribbing 3 semesters out of 6, but now that it's about to end, I don't really see much of what I was cribbing about.
What is it about our minds that makes us so fickle? Or is it the comfort zone we cling on to, and mistake it for this sense of adoration? The idea of graduation scares me, because I have no idea where I'll go next. We tend to not realize this, but a chunk of the relationships we share with people are often based on the fact that you all are simply confined in a common area.
What is it about our minds that makes us so fickle? Or is it the comfort zone we cling on to, and mistake it for this sense of adoration? The idea of graduation scares me, because I have no idea where I'll go next. We tend to not realize this, but a chunk of the relationships we share with people are often based on the fact that you all are simply confined in a common area.
So more than the fact that moving to a different city is scary because you don't know anybody, it's scarier because you know that things aren't going to be the same when you go back either. Casual hanging out will now turn into "Let's catch up!", and meetings that we once took for granted will now take an actual effort to execute.
You see, sometimes, homes have heartbeats.
procasti whatevz
Coming back to aforementioned article, it has been 24 hours and I still haven't written it. I have, however, taken enough personality tests so far to figure out that I am an ENFP type and should live in San Francisco to meet the ideal balance between intellectualism and chill seshes. I have also read the 2015 Leo horoscope at 3 different websites, drank a few million gallons of water and then taken an equivalent number of pee breaks. I even made time to update my facebook profile picture, catch up with an old friend, figured out what I want to pursue as a career and discovered the meaning of life.
Back to writing the damn article now..
edit:
fuck this shit i'm off to sleep
Back to writing the damn article now..
edit:
fuck this shit i'm off to sleep
February 24, 2015
Unicorns, Sunsets & Other Randaap
There are a few things I'm going to say right now that I'm sure sound batshit crazy and also a bit unexpected. I should also be working on an article right now instead of writing this blog. Boo hoo, deal with it.
1. Long distance is very very very easy until your SO comes back in town, because then you realize how fucking unbelievable it feels to just casually meet him/her every other day. Also, sex. Also, cuddling. Also, dates. Also, hand holding and hair playing. Basically everything. Also he's leaving for Cal again in a week, which is absolutely devastating BECAUSE HELLO I like to play Predict The Bill contest and when he randomly holds my hand when he's driving or he does taktak with my fingers and asdfjhsdjaehfcdwajdsvdsn, bringing us to #2.
2. I might be slightly in love. I thought this was a phase but I haven't been able to shake this feeling off since the past 6 months now (more like 4 years and 1 month but who's counting right? Hah) so I think we can safely say this is not a phase and I'm mostly doomed now.
3. I'm also a little wary of this entire love thing because I'm kind of expecting to get cheated on again, which I KNOWWWWW is horrible and I should absolutely not put myself through this sort of emotional BS. Can't help it. I'm literally waiting to be told, "Oh btw, you've been made an idiot. Again." I like to console myself by telling myself that our kids have a 50% chance of crooked teeth (but crooked teeth are so cute..). Unfortunately, they also have a 100% chance of being incredibly smart with incredible wit and great hair and their eyebrow game will DEFINITELY be on point, so we're back to square one. Also ew, why am I coming up with all these imaginary kids.
4. I'm going to become a type A slut if #3 happens. I'll still be classy as fuck though, and I'll definitely end up updating this blog more often because then I can share my sexual exploits more often and possibly land a book deal and call myself Carrie Bradshaw. (Carrie is defo not a slut btw. She is Goals)
5. I'm totally cringing even thinking this, let alone typing this out, and I know I'll regret this and smack myself on the head in embarrassment and shame 5 years down the line (but let's not tempt fate *does nimboo mirchi*), buuuut I've been toying with the idea of an actual long term commitment with The Boy (I'm talking about the M word). I mean, what the fuck right? I KNOW! I don't even waaaant to get married for the next 7 years but my traitor brain just likes to be all "OH HI AKA COME LET ME SHOW YOU IMAGINARY SCENARIOS OF YOU AND THE BOY RIDING OFF INTO SUBURBAN SUNSETS" and I'm like wtf brain can u plz ctfo and gtfo and stfu.
Oh what the hell. It feels nice to think about it. And I was this utter idiot today by asking him what he thinks about us in the long term and he was like oh yeah I do think about it sometimes, except after that I'm totally sure I freaked the living daylights out of him because he got reaaaally quiet and I was all "ohshitohshitohshit must remove tshirt to distract and change topic and avoid elephant in the room" (I'm not talking about me ok)
So anyway, that's mostly it. Sometimes, I do not understand how I'm 20 years old when my mind is stuck at 12. I think farts are funny, for gods sake.
1. Long distance is very very very easy until your SO comes back in town, because then you realize how fucking unbelievable it feels to just casually meet him/her every other day. Also, sex. Also, cuddling. Also, dates. Also, hand holding and hair playing. Basically everything. Also he's leaving for Cal again in a week, which is absolutely devastating BECAUSE HELLO I like to play Predict The Bill contest and when he randomly holds my hand when he's driving or he does taktak with my fingers and asdfjhsdjaehfcdwajdsvdsn, bringing us to #2.
2. I might be slightly in love. I thought this was a phase but I haven't been able to shake this feeling off since the past 6 months now (more like 4 years and 1 month but who's counting right? Hah) so I think we can safely say this is not a phase and I'm mostly doomed now.
3. I'm also a little wary of this entire love thing because I'm kind of expecting to get cheated on again, which I KNOWWWWW is horrible and I should absolutely not put myself through this sort of emotional BS. Can't help it. I'm literally waiting to be told, "Oh btw, you've been made an idiot. Again." I like to console myself by telling myself that our kids have a 50% chance of crooked teeth (but crooked teeth are so cute..). Unfortunately, they also have a 100% chance of being incredibly smart with incredible wit and great hair and their eyebrow game will DEFINITELY be on point, so we're back to square one. Also ew, why am I coming up with all these imaginary kids.
4. I'm going to become a type A slut if #3 happens. I'll still be classy as fuck though, and I'll definitely end up updating this blog more often because then I can share my sexual exploits more often and possibly land a book deal and call myself Carrie Bradshaw. (Carrie is defo not a slut btw. She is Goals)
5. I'm totally cringing even thinking this, let alone typing this out, and I know I'll regret this and smack myself on the head in embarrassment and shame 5 years down the line (but let's not tempt fate *does nimboo mirchi*), buuuut I've been toying with the idea of an actual long term commitment with The Boy (I'm talking about the M word). I mean, what the fuck right? I KNOW! I don't even waaaant to get married for the next 7 years but my traitor brain just likes to be all "OH HI AKA COME LET ME SHOW YOU IMAGINARY SCENARIOS OF YOU AND THE BOY RIDING OFF INTO SUBURBAN SUNSETS" and I'm like wtf brain can u plz ctfo and gtfo and stfu.
Oh what the hell. It feels nice to think about it. And I was this utter idiot today by asking him what he thinks about us in the long term and he was like oh yeah I do think about it sometimes, except after that I'm totally sure I freaked the living daylights out of him because he got reaaaally quiet and I was all "ohshitohshitohshit must remove tshirt to distract and change topic and avoid elephant in the room" (I'm not talking about me ok)
So anyway, that's mostly it. Sometimes, I do not understand how I'm 20 years old when my mind is stuck at 12. I think farts are funny, for gods sake.
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