don't.

Do not stand at my grave and weep 

I am not there. I do not sleep. 

I am a thousand winds that blow. 

I am the diamond glints on snow. 

I am the sunlight on ripened grain. 

I am the gentle autumn rain. 

When you awaken in the morning's hush 

I am the swift uplifting rush 

Of quiet birds in circled flight. 

I am the soft stars that shine at night. 

Do not stand at my grave and cry; 

I am not there. I did not die.

What is it about death that makes us so contemplative? A few minutes back, I was peacefully pondering about how to pass my exam (it's day after, why do you think am I blogging so much?), and then out of nowhere, it hit me - I once knew people who just don't exist anymore. It's such a strange thought to wrap your head around. Normal people your age who you've talked to and shared 8th grade lunches and exam hall jokes with, they're just.. dead. 

I used to think death is mostly associated with the notion of sadness, that I'm supposed to surround myself with an air of melancholy whenever I think of somebody who passed away. Except, all I feel is bewilderment. Call it the 5 Stages of Grief or the river, I don't care. I mean, come on. How can somebody who was perfectly healthy, with barely 2 decades behind them, just get up and say goodbye to all things mortal? How can people who were once a fully functional embodiment of consciousness and spirit, just.. die? 

Sometimes, I'll catch my thoughts drifting to them. Did they live a good life? Were they happy? Is it fair that they probably never got to do the thins you and I will hopefully have a chance at - a soulmate to wake up to every morning, your own children who will further have kids who'll run around your house calling you gramps? A trip around the world, finally opening that restaurant, that chance of doing something that leaves an impact much bigger than you ever imagined? 

I don't know these answers, but more importantly, I don't think I want the answers to these questions. I don't want to imagine what they went through in their final moments, whether life flashed before their eyes, whether they found their way into the light or not. I just wish, I truly do, that they're happy wherever they are, and know that somebody out here chooses to live life more fully just to honour their past existence. 

Rest in peace, both of you. 

x