When asked to describe our greatest qualities, some words tend to crop up more than the others - honest, brave, rational, quick thinkers, good decision makers. Guess what we all are?
A bunch of big fat liars.
I mean sure, we are selectively all of these things. We are always brave until the gun isn't pointed at us, always rational until our integrity has been compromised, always honest unless it's to ourselves. Why can't we all be honest to ourselves? Often, we end up doing things that we like initially, but end up not being so into it eventually, YET continue down the path simply because too many other people (be it family, significant others, friends, whatever) got emotionally involved. We seek to please too many others and think that we are finding happiness in doing so, but ask yourself - are you really? Is this really the job you want, the relationship you're always in love in, the happiness you've truly always dreamt of?
Or are you settling for something you grew out of because you're too used to this comfort zone?
//
There are often too many questions in my head that pop up out of nowhere. Today morning, while being a giant cuddle monster with my blanket in the cool, cool AC air of my room (I think that's the description of heaven, isn't it?), my mind was literally blank and peaceful when suddenly (of course, my mind will never give up the opportunity to intrude upon my moment of tranquility), one clear question rang through my head - Why am I not happy right now?
I didn't have to think much, I didn't think at all actually. Some things have rather obvious answers to them - the usual suspects always play a part in your guessing game.
I agree that happiness isn't just about people or places, it's a state of mind. Yet somewhere down the line, I think that others play a huge role in affecting your happiness anyway (fuck what the zen books say about not letting people get to you, if sometimes you're affected, you just are. And what kind of people do not get affected by other people, especially if it's a positive influence?! Exactly).
It's not like I'm unhappy. I just feel like I need to take some time off and just.. figure myself out. I don't want other people or relationships. I want myself, I want to think, I want to remember who I am as a person and how I've evolved, and maybe certain relationships in my life are stopping me from doing so, yet they're not REALLY stopping me so I don't know how breaking them off will help me. What do you do in life when you know that you've reached a dead end but you're just not ready to accept it, you're not thinking logically about it, and you don't have the guts to do anything about it? Because that's my current state of mind.
Man, the strengths column in my resume is just waiting to grow a longer nose.
A bunch of big fat liars.
I mean sure, we are selectively all of these things. We are always brave until the gun isn't pointed at us, always rational until our integrity has been compromised, always honest unless it's to ourselves. Why can't we all be honest to ourselves? Often, we end up doing things that we like initially, but end up not being so into it eventually, YET continue down the path simply because too many other people (be it family, significant others, friends, whatever) got emotionally involved. We seek to please too many others and think that we are finding happiness in doing so, but ask yourself - are you really? Is this really the job you want, the relationship you're always in love in, the happiness you've truly always dreamt of?
Or are you settling for something you grew out of because you're too used to this comfort zone?
//
There are often too many questions in my head that pop up out of nowhere. Today morning, while being a giant cuddle monster with my blanket in the cool, cool AC air of my room (I think that's the description of heaven, isn't it?), my mind was literally blank and peaceful when suddenly (of course, my mind will never give up the opportunity to intrude upon my moment of tranquility), one clear question rang through my head - Why am I not happy right now?
I didn't have to think much, I didn't think at all actually. Some things have rather obvious answers to them - the usual suspects always play a part in your guessing game.
I agree that happiness isn't just about people or places, it's a state of mind. Yet somewhere down the line, I think that others play a huge role in affecting your happiness anyway (fuck what the zen books say about not letting people get to you, if sometimes you're affected, you just are. And what kind of people do not get affected by other people, especially if it's a positive influence?! Exactly).
It's not like I'm unhappy. I just feel like I need to take some time off and just.. figure myself out. I don't want other people or relationships. I want myself, I want to think, I want to remember who I am as a person and how I've evolved, and maybe certain relationships in my life are stopping me from doing so, yet they're not REALLY stopping me so I don't know how breaking them off will help me. What do you do in life when you know that you've reached a dead end but you're just not ready to accept it, you're not thinking logically about it, and you don't have the guts to do anything about it? Because that's my current state of mind.
Man, the strengths column in my resume is just waiting to grow a longer nose.
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