June 26, 2010

day 3 [24th june 2010]

fuck this my stomach hurts i thought i was strong enough but now it obviously feels like a wrong decision to have dinner. you know what the worst part is? normally people lose weight when they have an upset stomach as they  can't have much.
but i don't think im losing weight either. not tht i'd want to lose weight this way, but hello, lemme appreciate the silver lining (which i doubt is there, but the weighing machine isn't here so i can't really say)

that 'i remember' song is stuck in my head and the only bit i know to the song is the 'iiiiiiiiiiii rememberrrrrrr' bit which is downright annoying.

my neck was better in the morning, got worse by afternoon, then at night i applied some volini and now it feels hot and cold and much much better.

went for a dayspend at my mum's aunt (she's actually not that old, her elder son got married last year and the younger one is 24 or so, i guess. okay she's old.) i really want to talk about the amazing food she made but that makes me want to throw up so i'd rather not. it was fun though.

india won the asia cup! we OWNED sri lanka, muahaha :D
i've been up the past two nights watching the WC matches but honestly speaking, i have no recollection whatsoever. maybe my neck's pain is cuz i managed to severe the spinal cord from my brain and now i have no power of retention.
now that'll just be sad.
but italy lost to slovakia today, germany has 6 pts, spain has 3 and it just feels like ftw.
when i get older
i will get stronger
they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin' flag

i feel better now.
IIII REMEMBERRRRR! II REMEMBERRR! I REMEBER! IIIIII REMEMBER!

get out of my head stupid song.
yesterday i heard romeo and juliet a million times. no kidding.
i love that song but it just makes me so damn sad sometimes.
but mark knopfler's really amazing. i heard his greatest hits (while he was with dire straits and as an individual artist, but i may not be sure about the latter) on the flight back from germany, and fell in love with his voice.
i mean, his voice is really captivating.

it's 11.10, my brother's watching hannah montana and it's funny.
it also reminds me of someone who'd love to have his mullet back :D hi love, i miss you.

kahin jayega nahin hannah montana laut ayega sirf disney channel par.

i wonder how everyone in back home. ruin & diya & chit & nandi & bhatia & tarana & khyati & ishana & kaushal & charvi & a very random pragya ganjoo (hahaha, don't ask). and how's shreya in malaysia?
i don't like malaysia. everyone's going away to malaysia.
i miss that girl.

there's a place for us
in that movie song

the world is an odd place. iran wants to enrich uranium because it says it needs it for civil purposes but we all know how civil it all is. usa is just a big don bullying other countries about and telling them how to manage their governments. pak and china seem intent on doing that deal. manmohan singh is a nice guy but sometimes i wonder if he really wanted this, i mean, he was a prof of economics.

in chandigarh, there are so many big white cars. i've realised that for the wealthy, white also symbolises that they have enough money to maintain the white, which itself shows their money power. or maybe im just reading too much into it.
chandigarh girls are so freaking pretty (guys would call them hot) i mean, tall, slim, long black hair, what more do you want man? but they're always surrounded by their equally tall and dominant moms and hutta katta dads and bros. scary :P
(not that it affects me. just observing. i do that a lot when im bored.)

on saturday we leave for vaishnodevi. i recently got to know that it's in jammu, and was SO FREAKING scared about terrorist attacks and all, but then i was told that it's only kashmir. so yeah. im actually looking forward to this, it's fun going to a place you went to when you were really young and don't remember much but just a liiiittle, and sometimes that's the fun.
will the kashmir conflict ever get resolved?
the un shows kashmir to be a part of pak. huh.

i need inspiration. lalala. all i wanna do is find my way back into looovveeee. (music and lyrics, hahahahaha :P i just wanted to talk about inspiration and this song popped up in my head)

your cover of HTD is auto-rated 5 stars on my comp. <3

my hair has grown so long! but i really need to get them a little neat before heading back to school.
but seriously! so long! there was a time when my hair was till me ears :P (okay that sounded irish and very gerard butler-ish. it was a typo, believe me! me my same thiing)
and now it's mid back. a couple of inches to the waist, then i'll keep it for awhile.
but im gonna get them cut someday.
short hair for me symbolises.. youth. freshness. energy!
but long hair's so pretty lahh. yesterday i met this girl whose hair was thick and black and reached her knees. (she was my height.)
i know right? wow.

there's this old superstition that people with long black hair shouldn't keep them open outside. djinns have always been fascinated by long, black tresses, and often strectch their arms as long as required to reach such hair and stroke it. i forget what happens after that, (i read it in a book, ruskin bond's, im pretty sure.) there's another one that one shouldn't yawn without covering their mouth under a peeple tree at night, as the djinns or spirits living there take residence in your throat.
when i was younger, i was discouraged to cut my nails at night. but this one has a logical explaination, as the nails scatter around and someone walking barefoot might not see them and get hurt.
then when adi was born, i read somewhere that sisters shouldn't wash there hair on thursdays. (surprisingly, i always wash my hair on thursdays or late wednesdays and sundays)
there's another one that says you shouldn't walk or jump over someone who's still growing, as it leaves them short.
or that you shouldn't drink water right before you head outside for some work (i believe in that one.)i also believe in touching wood, but that's about it,

there's so much power in superstitions if you believe in them.
it makes me realise that the ones with faith have it so easy in their life, everything's either black or white. all the answers are just there.
but for the ones without a faith or belief, life must be so different. where do you look for the answers of all questions mankind can't figure out?
the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy?
well then, the answer's 42.

(douglas adams was a genius, by the way. may his sould rest in peace.)

which makes me think about what happens after we die?
i mean, whaaaaat happens?
life is such a miracle, a soul has the power to create another one with a mind of its own. i mean, a seperate being in itself! with the ability to think and create thoughts! do you realize how big that is?
EFFING HUGE!
so when we die, we just extinguish? poof? something that could create thoughts actually just shuts up and disappears into nothingness?
i think this is why some fools chase immortality and try to escape death.
human beings are a superior race and have conquered everything, so it is obvious that it's hard to wrap your mind around the concept that death cannot be conquered.
if we can control life, why not death, right?
wrong.
we cannot control life. we cannot control death. believers think it's God, mystics think it's destiny and fate, hard workers believe in karma (no, don't call me karma cuz it's a bitch. XD 90210 is crazy), cynics don't believe so i cannot say much.
but at the end of it, it's not in our hands.
it never was.
---------------------------------

i just realized i talk too much.

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how long have i
been in this storm?
so overwhelmed by the ocean's
shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head
if i could just see you
everything would be alright
if i could see you
this darkness would turn to light
and i
walk on water
and you will catch me
if i fall
and i
will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright
i know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am i ten feet under
and upside down?
barely surviving has become my purpose
cuz im so used to laying underneath the surface
if i could just see you
everything would be alright
if i could see you
this darkness would turn to light
and i walk on water
and you will catch me
if i fall
and i will get lost into your eyes
and everything
will be alright
and everything
will be alright

-------------------------------

and if all the world was perfect
i would only want to see your scars

and if all the world was smiling
i would only ever want to see your frown

--------------------------------

sometimes i catch myself
staring into space
counting down the hours till i get to see you face

--------------------------------

all alone
smoking his last cigarette
i ask you
where've you been?

the only one who's ever known
who i am
who im now
and who i want to be

just a little late
you found me
why'd you have to wait
to find me?
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